I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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