I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
