why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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