Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
