Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i think my mom watched the whole time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
