I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
