A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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