Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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