In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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