Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to have your abortion
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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