I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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