I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
