She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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