I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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