last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
