Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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