I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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