hotel room ftw
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
