my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
