I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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