Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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