Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
