God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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