There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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