Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think a kid would responsible me up
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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