wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
