Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
