So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
