youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
