I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
