Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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