Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Randomize
