How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
