I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
