youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
