getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
