saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
3pm strippers are depressing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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