I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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