dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
