i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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