I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
