Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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