i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
