Fuck appropriateness.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
