beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
