I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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