dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
