a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
