actually, I'm a sock model
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
