At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
