My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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