I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
