This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
