I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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