Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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