I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
