Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
