So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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