New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
