Having a random hookup so left but love u
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
