dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
