the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
