Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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