He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
