I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
