my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
