Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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