Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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