yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
