I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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