Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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