So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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