NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
