dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Found the puke drawer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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