That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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