Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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