these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
