Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
