hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
