the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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