Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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