haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
