i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
