he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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